Posted in Thoughts

She Values Her Worth

Just in case you don’t know, she’s not easy. She’s not that kind of woman who would believe your words without you proving it through actions or even without you being consistent in winning her. She’s tougher now because she learned her lessons the hard way in love. She has been hurt before just so you know. She has been taken for granted that made her vow to never experience the pain she once had felt. She has been through a lot that made her become even stronger today. She is going to be more cautious this time around. So don’t blame her for being tough and hard to get.

But regardless of how she presents herself to the world, behind her positive outlooks lies a sad truth. She may be a tough woman in the outside but she can’t deny the fact that she’s still lacking something in the inside.

Sometimes, she talks vivaciously as if she’s not undergoing something. Her friends will look up to her as a person with an energetic spirit but little do they know that behind all these show-offs is a person with a missing piece. She is trying not to show how hurt she is because as much as possible, she wants to be seen brave, with no bruised at all.

She endures all the pain she carries in her heart, the emptiness that kills her. She hates to get dark because when it does, loneliness creeps in and she can’t bear how heavy it makes her feel. It makes her the saddest person in the world. She hates it when she’s not associated by anyone because after she realizes she’s alone, eventually all she could hear is the sound of her mourning and pain. She sobs for a moment. She will wait until her eyes close so she could fall deeply in love with her dreams. For her, waking up the next day feels like a new battle to begin with.


She craves attention, genuine love, and happiness. She craves for someone who would do everything only to pick the debris of her broken pieces and make it whole again.  She craves for someone who will go with her for a road trip, steal a snapshot of hers while searching the book she wants to read on the bookstore, someone who would let her do crazy things without restrictions. She craves for someone who will fight for her no matter how hard the journey will be, someone who will love listening to her voice as she reads her diary for him. She craves for a meaningful late-night talks, a beautiful conversation about dreams, future, love, and life. She craves for a moment when she’s with her man talking deeply about their plans and goals together under the moon and cover her by so much care and love when she feels cold. She can’t wait for the day when she can feel safe under the arms of the man who sees the beauty in how she became who she is today.

She may have a firm personality but she is a woman who chooses to be kind in the world where she can be anything. She is a strong woman who values her worth and knows her standards. She has a humble heart and she’s trying her best to have a peaceful mind that will remind her that there is more to life than battling with negative emotions.

Man, when you decide to leave her, she’s not going to beg for you to stay because she knows how to keep her promise to never chase a man. She’ll let you go without asking you for a closure. Once you cheat on her and she tells you goodbye, she means it a lot. Don’t expect her to call you back because for her, once she’s hurt and she decides to move forward, there is no turning back. 

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Posted in Thoughts

Staying Upfront

Hi there! Lately was too exhausting and energy-draining for I had to apply for another job and had to jump from one company to another in hopes to get hired in a day processing. You heard it right. I had to look for a new job once again for the 5th time in 3 years. I may sound insufficient and not fitted for all the jobs I’ve had in the previous years but… hell yeah I guess the right thing to say is that I really have never been into all of them so they had to kick my ass out of the company because I wasn’t belong and that they couldn’t stand anymore the fact that I was trying to sit with them when in fact, I couldn’t fit in. But still…

I know better than that. Frankly, before I decided to stay myself off for good from my recent company, I had choked up myself with the reality that I was suspended for 5 consecutive days. At first, I was numb enough to ask the whys and the what-have-I-done kind of questions. Instead I just went with the flow, wrote an explanation letter, signed something I barely recalled by now, did not think twice because what else could have I miraculously done with it? The things that were destined to happened, happened already in its perfect timing. Good job.

I’ll leave the story behind my suspension confidential because if I tell it here, people would probably throw mean words at me or look me like as if I’ve done a stupid thing without using my brain. Although I am very used to this kind of thinking, I will go now straight to my point…

We live in this world where there are so many rules and orders to follow. Orders which meet our values and orders that are against our will but have to comply for the sake of our image. There are also orders that should be taken place to impose as a punishment of whatever wrong-doings we have done. Also there are orders that can set us free. But no matter how many orders or rules we have in this world, that will never explain what kind of a person that person really is.

Okay. Here’s me ranting about my views in this post. I mean, I have been here in this situation before when I was kicked out only because I wasn’t given a chance to prove what I am capable of doing because according to the rule, I shouldn’t be given one. But it doesn’t make me a less human. It taught me to keep moving ahead until I will land to the spot I aim for getting into. It’s tiring, I know, specially when it feels like you are in a race and you have to accomplish something blurry. But life is not a race, it’s a marathon. So we have to keep our pace moving. We shouldn’t feel tired.

We should stay upfront. We should feel motivated by our lapses. It will make us even stronger.Edit

And things will surely even get better.

Posted in Thoughts

Road To My 24th Year

My life today is different from usual and what I have expected. It’s strange. And funny.

10 years ago, when everything was so far from maturity, one of the things that interests me the most and that I’d always love to talk about was all about getting married and having 5 kids before 30.

Pause. I imagine my future self laughing to death for sure while reading this post. Years from now, I may read this again but I’ll make sure my mind is clear.

Now, when I picture myself back to my 13 year-old self, the first thought is to pull her ears and give her a look of reproach instead of asking her to focus on Algebra. Haha!

So. This post will give a little highlight about my journey for the past months of being a 23-year-old young woman who is, in a most possible account, struggling in what we call “age crisis”. As what I have used to do when my birthday is almost around the corner, I write for myself. And this is what I am doing today.

I am still 23 years old yet I feel so old. Old to the extent that I feel like I am already running out of time to achieve all my goals and that it is already too late to do the things that a 23 year-old woman does such as partying and/or going on a date, shopping, and wearing swimsuits and perfect eyebrows. Not that it is neccessary for a 23 year-old adult to do, but it’s what I see these days that sometimes make me feel insecured. Nevertheless, I am happy for what I am today, that I am able to serve the Lord in performing my church duties, and for what I have owned so far.

My life for the past 11 months has never been friendly and smooth. As the matter of fact, I got terminated twice this year in my previous jobs, told that I am not capable of doing the things I forsee I will be doing, and that I am less human because I have forgotten my worth as a woman. And it sucks to think that there are some who think this way towards me. They think they could bring me down by thinking that I am weak but little do they know this made me stronger and keep going.

Upon my journey, the only thing that I never let erased in my mind is to move forward without causing anguish in other people’s life. And that is, for certain, became one of my major motivations in life.

There is so much to say but here I am sharing three of the many realizations and lessons I learned this year:

1. I learned to focus on my goals than on waiting for anyone’s broken promises in me to be fulfilled.

I learned to fix myself back on my own track and focus in everything that would make me the person I desire. Despite my struggles, I remained faithful to God. I know everyone has their own puzzles to be solved and yet mine still remained unsolved and it is because I am still in the process of finding the right pieces of my own. Here, I am enjoying.

2. People never learned how to be contented. We always crave for more. And it’s okay.

Looking back, I realize that year by year there are new things I add up to my bucketlists. It brings pressure in me but I am into it now for it pushes me to do the right thing and eye whatever bests for me.

3. It’s never a job of a woman to chase a man.

This year, I decided to pick the debris of my broken self and seek long-lasting joy. This is the time when I feel the confidence of saying “I don’t care anymore”. I love it when I do not feel any pang of hurt nor bitterness when I think about my past. I just don’t care by now. But really, I am thankful.

I am honestly unsure of what is waiting for me, and what is in the future, and who I am going to be with. But I am very much excited to be in the position and place where I could tell the world “this is where I am supposed to be”. I am excited to be the person who could inspire everyone to be true in their hearts, and to never stop believing, doing their bests to give light to other people.Edit

Now that I am about to face another chapter of my life, I will certainly begin it with a positive note that I will only stop when my role in this world is done.

Posted in life

On Feeling Like A Failure

​I failed the CS exam and I am not embarrassed about it.

Only yesterday, when I visited Civil Service Commission facebook page did I learn that the result has been released. At first, I was kinda hesitant to browse through the website in concern that I might not find my name among the list of passers. My emotions during my attempts to go to the link – tense through anxiety and nervousness – brought me back to my UP admission memories when at the end I found out that I did not make it.

I can still recall the time when I took the UPCAT 7 years ago. After the exam, I was already excited to know the result right away. I remember the agony I had prolonged and the uneasiness I had felt by waiting for something I was unsure of. What if I did not pass? What if I upset my parents and those who expect a lot from me? These were the thoughts I had wished to cease from arriving. I was clueless. But still I waited until the truth had spoken.

Then, I failed.

In this phase of my life when frustrations almost dragged me down, I tried to overcome the negative feelings within me. I tried harder to uplift my spirit by thinking positively that exasperation is temporary, and to instill in myself that giving up is only for the weak and that I am not weak. Many times have I encountered failures but never in my life did I allow myself to stay in that stage. I move on and continue to chase places I would call home later. Places where I am supposed to be.

Failures tend to make us weak but I am stronger when I am weak.

Thus, for those friends who failed (life me) in the CS exam, remember it does not necessarily mean that we are incapable of attaining our goals. This may sound cliche but we can not really deny the fact that in everything, there is always a reason. Perhaps we failed on our first attempt. I understand if you feel bad right now. I feel bad too. But look, does it do any good? The answer would always be a No. The best thing we can do is to retake. Certainly, no one’s stopping us from doing the right thing. Regardless of how many times we reapply, don’t give up not even until we make it.

I always believe that after your downfalls, good things will follow. Only if you trust yourself and do whatever it takes to stand up.

I am not posting this to get sympathy from those passers or from those who have the same story as mine. I wanted to write this to share the positive vibes and thoughts I am feeling with those who did not make it. And please stop saying that you are not smart and you do not deserve success just because you failed.

Make a motivation out of it instead. Remember, only smart people know that failure plays an integral role in the pursuit of success. If you know this, therefore, you are smart.

Sending you smiles!

tine

Posted in life, Uncategorized

A Love Letter To My 23-Year Old Self

Dear Kristine,

It has been a long and tough journey, hasn’t it? You almost gave up on your challenges just because you were afraid that if you continue to fight, you would get defeated. But you know what’s great about you? Despite you’re struggling on how to win your battles, you still have showed the world that you are unafraid and confident to face each trial. You are brave, remember that. Because if you are not, you could have been defeated by now.

I saw how calmly you consider harsh words from people who tried to bring you down and lose your self-esteem. I saw how you keep your track so you would not get to their levels. Many times I have seen you on your almost-down situation but you never let yourself to stay there. You have been hurt that even myself wanted to leave you so I would not see your pain. Because I know that behind your smiles lies an unpleasant setting. And by knowing the truth breaks me. But you endure until you overcome whatever it is. Sometimes, to be honest, your carrying the burden all by yourself triggers me to distant because it’s too much to see you pretending that everything is okay. In spite of it, I always find a way to stay for you. Because I believe in you and that I don’t let my life slip through my fingers by not witnessing your triumphs.

You have truly grown now. You are no longer that little kid who once had been reluctant to face her fears. Things are not the same as it was. You have become fearless of dares and you don’t allow anyone’s opinions drag you anymore. You have learned from your mistakes of letting their words come your way. But you must be thankful for it prepared you to become stronger now.

You’ve got a good heart full of good intentions and aspirations. Your relationship with God is inseparable. You are an inspiration to the people at your age. I know someday you don’t have to undergo difficulties just to show the world how courageous you are because enough is your willpower to succeed in achieving your goals and objectives despite your obstacles to prove it.

You are not alone. You are surrounded by people who always support you in your becoming the person you desire to be. There may be other people who don’t believe in your abilities but are they worth your time? Of course not. You know you don’t owe them one, do you?

You are 23 and yet your prince charming has not even arrived. Don’t rush things. You still have things to accomplish in your life. You are still young and there is still a long journey to go. You are gonna have to focus first on your stability. That would prepare you to settle down in a great manner.

Be yourself. You are fully aware of how things get better and how it slowly betrays you. Your experiences have equipped you to deal with your upcoming battles. I believe in you, do not forget that. And I love you more than anyone else does.

Good luck. Pray. Be brave.

 

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Posted in Wanderlust

How Travel Changed My Life

14656412_1304974042860898_686530043959000818_nMt. Tagapo, Binangonan, Rizal

It all started with a goal: to move on.

Even before I engaged myself to travel, I have been hearing a lot of stories about how travel helps someone forget his/ her past, and how travel turns someone into a brand new person regardless of whatever reasons may have occurred. I didn’t believe it was true until I myself have proven it.

Never will I forget the very first time I had my hiking experience. That was in 2015. Ten days after, it shadowed with my birthday climb. My major try-outs and experiences were incredible, it was completely amazing. I was really delighted, and I believed I was already going through the process of detaching myself from sorrow. I knew I was doing it for a purpose. And I knew back then, that hiking would be a great help for me to recover from the pain that kept haunting me every day. This may sound cliché. But trust me when I say I was correct.

18136438_1490390050985962_588932967_nCrystal Beach Resort, Zambales

Moreover, through this activity, I was able to meet a lot of strangers, who eventually made a wonderful impact on my life; who made me recognize what I deserve and what I do not; who drove me move forward; who pushed me to see the world beyond my front door. Likewise, not only did travel teach me the importance of self-worth and self-awareness but it truly did help me discover the person in me.

16602901_1415410318483936_4789924678305148427_nFive Fingers, Mariveles, Bataan with Ka-Lakbay friends

Travel has become my remedy, in fact. Even though I have not yet gone to all the places in this world, travel has molded me to become the person I am today. Here’s how:

  1. I realized that there’s so much in this world
13669689_1220216671336636_5526439322596284252_nMaysawa Circuit, Tanay, Rizal

Travel ceased me from chasing the wrong person(s) and allowed me to acquaint with the new one(s). As the matter of fact, I got to have new circles through going from places to another.

In my journey of moving on, I found that the world has something to offer, something that cannot be rewarded to anyone by money, something I admit I failed once to perceive. And this is the beauty that cannot only be seen by our naked eyes but can also be felt by our endearing hearts. I usually find it whenever I stand on a high cliff overlooking the town or talk to a stranger I stumble upon in a museum.

14955962_1314504035241232_8101463333525980030_nWith Alex Agustin at Mt. Manabu, Lipa, Batangas

In addition, I can still recall the time I met an amputee. The moment I saw him on the trail along with his friends who walk with two normal limbs, I wondered if I would be able to see him in the summit. Not long after I reached the top, I saw him coming first while his friends were behind him. This situation taught me that the capacity of every individual cannot be measured by body distribution or how incapacitated you may seem to other people but the attitude, the determination, and the perseverance to finish the battle one exhibits.

13533150_1200682353290068_158792976494404794_n“Batanes of the East” Dingalan, Aurora

It is never all about where you came from or who you are but how you arise despite all your shortcomings in life. In my travel experiences, I became less judgmental.

  1. I became more compelled and assertive

We are all bound to experience hardships in life, aren’t we?

There are times in my life that I almost want to give up on challenges just because it is easier to think about frustrations and entertain thoughts of defeat. But because of all the lessons from the events in my life, I began to accept challenges and persist in the face of setbacks.

13335854_1185943214763982_5021696087840293043_n.jpgMt. Batulao, Nasugbu, Batangas

In terms of achieving my goals, I always taste the adrenaline in the back of my throat. I know I would feel complacent after achieving laurels.

When I feel down, I would keep myself on track as I do when I hike. I would keep my eyes on the ball as I do just to reach the top of the mountain. These certain events taught me to become the guru of myself. I learned that I can only rely on myself.

I have met a lot of people and it taught me lessons about showing our characters and proving our reputation is paramount than just saying it out loud. Actions speak louder than words.

13230130_10154227816029182_6081983657887039165_nCalaguas, Camarines Norte with Ka-Lakbay friends

Remarkably, travel has shaped me to become the person I never once thought I can be: I don’t compete anymore. I collaborate.

  1. I found Myself

Funny how the main reason why I travel has lead me to something astounding- I found myself. I found who really I am, even my worth as a woman.

16265563_1393852810639687_4892196837182370172_nMount Arayat, Pampanga

I realize that I have so much love in me. My feelings can be as deeper as the ocean. Albeit I am not going to live as younger as I wish, I can still be as playful as the waves in the sea. No one’s stopping me, indeed.

14568100_1283004985057804_7613908611128832568_nPatar Beach, Bolinao, Pangasinan

Every time I go to the edge of the water and wait for the sunset, I am reminded that no matter how stressful my life is and that how long it could possibly take for me to fulfill my dreams, I should not stop chasing through the edge of my success. But, I should continue walking without feeling any fear of falling.

I think if it wasn’t because of travel, perhaps I’m still struggling to get up. And most probably my path will seem mislaid if I didn’t agree to become my own arsenal of conviction.

And unless I chose to travel, I could not have found myself.

This time, I have just shared not only the story of why I travel but the things I learned from this particular area of my life. Yours can be shared with Traveloka.

(www.traveloka.com/en-ph/how-travel-changed-my-life-blogger-contest).

#TravelokaPH #WhyITravel #TravelokaStories.

tine