Posted in Thoughts

An Open Letter From Ms. Right.

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You might have stumbled upon me in the street. You might have noticed me at the bus stop. You might have lined up at my back, buying burger at Mc Donald’s. You might have met me at the party I have visited 5 years ago. If you are reading this, you could be the one. I might have met you before. I do not know. I am not sure. But whoever you are, wherever you are, please stay. Never leave me. But first, wait for me as I wait for you.

I will wait for you until God has lead your way to me. I promise.

Who are you, by the way? I have no any idea.

I am not a princess who lives in a palace. I do not own a tiara, actually. I am not wearing a gown as you imagine in fairy tales. But I am God’s princess.

Take care of my heart. And most especially, do not take me for granted. Do not break me to pieces for I had a very difficult time to fix it the first time I felt heartache. From my first love.

It was hard. I thought I was going to die I almost wanted to kill myself with my bare hands. I once have been in love with the man I thought who was gonna fight for the love I deserve. I have been broken, and now that I am healed from the shadow of my past experiences, please do not break me once again. I do not think I could bear the pain, of seeing my reflection dead.

But I guess, I won’t experience the heartache one more time for I know the next man that is going to come into my life is brought by God. And I trust you for not hurting me.

Yes. I have been broken from my past. I have been taken for granted by the man who promised me to stay with me until the end. I have cried too much I cursed this life. I have almost forgotten how to stand in my feet and face the world in the pretense that I could. That I could face it at all.

I was so tired to love anyone. I was shattered by being left behind. But look at me now. I am better even though I am not yet ready. And I know you feel the same thing. Because I know that there are still things to consider. I still need time to assure everything is okay. I know you are doing the same way. Let’s not rush into falling in love. I will wait for the time when God has made your way to me. And please make sure that you are ready before chasing for me.

I will wait forever just to be with you.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, please take good care of my heart. Never ever go away from me.

I will love you like no other. I will show you my world and I will make it sure that you will come with me in my paradise. I will share to you the happiness I crafted in my heart and tell you the sadness I have had before that I made my first mistake. We will both laugh at all the wrong-doings we have done in the past and we both will start a new life for our future.

You will love me more than the way I love you. We will build a strong relationship, no one can come between us for God is our foundation, the boundary against all odds. I will prove that you have no reasons to leave me. Give me a chance. I will take you to the world you are seeking. Let’s wait for God’s time. You will find me through Him. Never underestimate the power of God. It’s worth the wait if we prevail His true love, our faith in Him. I know it’s gonna be worth it.

Let’s walk through God’s words. Let’s wait for His perfect time. By the time we know exactly that it’s the right time for us, you may see me at the coffee shop you spend your spare time on, or at the bookstore you use to visit when bored. You will know that it’s me when I ask you your favorite books. Know when I catch a glimpse of your personality. Know that my eyes are telling you that I like you for we have the same interests. Know that I have craved for the moment to see you.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, please hold me closer to you.

I know you are on your way of finding me. I will trust this moment of imagining our distance, regardless of the fact that I barely know who you are. I will wait for you. I will wait for God’s grace and perfect timing.

– Ms. Right.

kcc

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Posted in life

To The People Who Shaped My Life

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Some people may leave us, but never will our real friends and family. People come and go but, they will always return to where they came from and to the people they met first.

It is an amazing thing to feel loved by the people we love the most. Indeed, to be loved is the best thing ever a person can feel in his whole life.

In my 21 years of journey in this Universe, I have encountered different tryouts I have successfully, well, triumphed over. And there are still giants in my way, I know. And I have succeeded those trials for some reason and one of the factors is the fact that I’ve been surrounded by the people who never left me alone battling against the dares of this living, and shaped me as a person I am right now.

There are two types of people I have met in this journey. People who became part of my life for a short period of time and who have left me without a single scar of sorrow and, people who have stayed joyfully beside me and have become true friends of mine. But, regardless of which type they belong, I consider them all as friends who have been a reason for my being a better woman now.

 

“I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let’s face it, friends make life a lot more fun.”

– Charles R. Swindoll

No man is an island. There is always a person we rely on every situation we have to deal with. And we can’t live without friends, can we? Friends are someone we share our things with. They are the only people who we can trust for not leaving us behind all odds. We must be thankful for them. For not getting tired of lifting our spirits when we feel down. When we need someone we can talk to, they call them first than our own parents. When we need to burst to tears for the heartaches we feel, we bother them and we never hear complaints from them.

They serve as clowns whenever we need to laugh and get rid of sadness. We share the ridiculous things we’ve done in a day and we always expect them to laugh with us. We talk to them endlessly over the phone. When we miss them, there we are to hug them so tightly they can’t breathe. They are the only people who can fight with us against our enemies.

They are our family.

I will never forget my family, of course. These people I have met from the very beginning, who have taught me walk, write, and read- my family, have been the source of my strength and determination to pursue the things I’ve set for my future. Without my family, I wouldn’t have been raised with a good and kind heart.

 

“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”

– Desmond Tutu

My family are the ones I seek help when I need medicine, when I feel cold inside and badly need warmth. I need them more than anything in this planet. They pray with me when in need for guidance from Him and when I need to thank Him for all of His love.

To my parents, I might not be the best child in this world for I had been a burden and was wicked when I was little, but I assure you that you never failed of giving what I need as a child. I received protection from you upon growing up and you guided me from Grade school to College and till I got my first job after graduation. You gave all the support to conquer my world with love. With you, there are no words that can explain how grateful and blessed I have been in my life.

My friends and my family shaped my life.

All of them deserve the best of recognition in this earth. At this point, I am honestly feeling of how grateful I am that throughout the years of hardships and struggles, my friends and family stayed at my back, are still with me and are helping me carry the world upon my shoulder.

I have nothing material to give to everyone of you. But I am sure that my sincerity in each of my words I have crafted here will be felt by your own hearts. From this, you would have an idea that I am really really really thankful that all of you have come into my life. I have this opportunity to thank every one of you. You may not have any idea how you help me stand in my feet when I feel degraded, but you all did a great job for me to be the person you know. You have a big contribution to my life. And not only that, you help me as well recognize the corners of this life.

The friends who helped me become the person I am right now, the people I consider as real friends that God has bestowed on me, and my family, if it weren’t because of you all, I wouldn’t be able to see the person inside my heart.

The girl behind this writings, the person you might probably have thought as weak, is paying you, wherever you are, the love and acknowledgement you deserve.

kcc

Posted in life

From The Girl You Took For Granted

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It took me two days to convince myself to write something for you. Really, I wanted to talk to you in person but how can I do that if you are hiding from me? So, here I am. For the nth time, I am going to express my feelings for you through words. I hope you would be able to reach me here and read this one.

It has been two weeks since the last time we had communicated. And it has already been 5 months since we broke up. I have so many reasons not to communicate and talk to you, actually. First off, we are not together anymore. Second, I have a life to worry about more than the fulfillment of your promises. Third, I have been taken for granted by you. Tell me, do I have any reasons to hold onto you?

Since the day we broke up, I swore to God that the last thing I would ever want to do was to stop loving you. And whenever I thought of letting go of you, there was a surge of guilt in my heart. It felt like if I would do that, I would be dying to death with regrets eventually. I never wanted that to happen so, even if it was really hard for me to see you falling out of love with me gradually, I endured the heavy punch in my heart.

I have been selfish to myself, as the matter of fact. I have never thought of the possibilities of being loved by another man because of you. I have leaned onto your doors for too long I never considered my dignity. I always thought of you, of how you are doing and if you are okay. I always wished I was by your side.

I gave everything. I supported you in all the things you did these past few months. I was always by your side to remind you about your errands for each day that has passed. I never second thought of getting in touch with you, because all I wanted was to see you and let you know that I was always here, an email away.

I did everything I could just to make you happy, just to let you know that you are very important to me. But I guess those things I have done were not enough for you to realize how much I am willing to sacrifice my life for you.

Despite the fact that you don’t love me anymore, I still give all of my bests to hold on to you because we have promises and I don’t want to lose you. You told me one day that there’s a chance we can be together again, and you promised me that you’re going to fix yourself first- find a job and be hired. I helped you but I made it clear that I wasn’t asking for reward.

I know you don’t see a future with me any longer. I am fully aware that you want to be just freed and have no responsibilities. And whatever I do for you to love me again, I will always fail at the end. I love you so much. I do not want to distant myself from you because I might regret it in the end, that maybe you won’t find me. But, I think it is time for me to take care of myself, to know that I deserve to be loved and something better than this present life.

It hurts so much I can barely eat my food, drink water, and sleep peacefully. It hurts that I really want to shut my world behind you and forget every single thing that reminds me of you. I have no idea how it feels to be loved anymore. Because I have given all the love I earned in my life to you. And I constantly get nothing. It hurts that I still love you knowing that I can never be loved by you. And it’s like I am killing my own self by my own hands. I wish you knew what I am feeling. If only I could swipe my memory out, I would do it by now.

I loved you. And I know you know I did. And I still do. But I guess I have had enough.

One day you are going to miss me. You are going to miss how much I cared, you are going to miss my giggles, my love, and everything about me. I won’t expect you to chase me when you realize my worth. But I assure you that you are going to miss the moments I tried to reach you out, all of my efforts, and my tenderness.

I am going to distant myself from you now because every time I get my hopes up, I receive nothing but heartaches and severe anguish. I always feel a stab in my chest knowing that I am running after you. This time, I think I need to be a woman. We can never be just friends, I am sorry. I can not bring myself to be one of your friends and pretend all the time that we’ve never been so special to one another. I don’t know if I can stand that alone for you- pretend I never kissed and touched you.

I’ve kept holding on for nothing. I am sorry for loving you.

I am not asking you to love me once again. I am not asking you to come back to me for I know in the very first place, even if you opt to be by my side now, we can never be the same like what we used to be before. Yet by the way, I am thankful that you came to my life, that at some point I learned to love and I have experienced heartbreaks. You are a wonderful lesson to me and all thanks to your teachings. Please, do not forget me for I won’t erase you in my life. I know there are better days ahead of us. Time will come that all the wounds in my heart will be healed and my past will be covered by someone who’s going to accept me for who I am.

Remember that you’ve become so much special to someone- me. And to the girl you are going to love, don’t take her for granted. And I hope she will love you more than I did to you, take care of you and cook for your breakfasts till dinners.

I will always think of you. I swear I will think of you tonight and move on as soon as I close my eyes.

kcc

Posted in life

A Letter To Tatay

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Dear Tatay,

It’s been 47 years now since the day you were born. And I still cannot imagine the life you had before when you were a kid and upon growing up to become a man. I wonder how you were doing 27 years ago. Maybe you were courting mom and/or maybe you were working hard to earn money for your daily needs. I know how much you struggled to survive from a rough life you had experienced. I grew up being aware of the things you had done and encountered when you were young. But I always wish that I knew your life before exactly.

And I admire you like as always. I admire your dedication to heave us, your own family, from poverty. And even though we are not rich, I still love you for trying to give everything for us. I adore your commitment and perseverance.

I do not regret being born poor. I do not blame you and mom for sometimes not able to give the things that my two siblings and I want. I can’t even be cross about the absence of fortune. I know I cannot, because that’s the very main reason why I am determined to fulfill my dreams now. It inspires me to work hard.

Tatay, I would like you to know that I feel so blessed for having you in my life as my father. If it weren’t because of you, I don’t think I would be able to do the things that I wanted and I am doing right now. You pushed me to strive for more. I learned from you that I should always crave for more and do all my bests. And you are the reason why I ponder the things you never had when you were at my age. I want to show you that through me, you can achieve all of your desires. Believe me, you are my inspiration for all the things that I did and will do, for soaring and aiming high because I want you to be more proud of me.

I want to give you and mom a prosperous life, a peaceful living. And I know I will accomplish that.

Today is your birthday and even though I cannot reach your hands and squeeze them right now, I am writing this letter for you to know that I do not forget this special day of your life. I want you to know that I am longing for hearing your voice, seeing your face and your growing white hairs. I want to kiss your cheeks and feel the warmth of your presence, I want to feel again how tight you can hug me for I can barely remember it. I want to look at your wrinkles and watch you walk like an old man. If there is one thing I regret, that would definitely the fact that I am growing too.

When I was like around 12, I remember that I wanted a painting stuff because I wanted to paint and do something new aside from reading. But you and mom did not have money to buy one for me. I did not insist. I saw the irritation face on mom because I was always like that, I always wanted new things and play with colors. And even though I was really hurt then, I did not say anything. I kept just quiet.

There was also a time that when I turned 18, I did not have a new dress. It was unexpected to receive nothing from you and mom since it was my birthday. I did not cry but I felt tired of this life. I felt tired of not getting what I wanted. But I said no words. I kept myself from storming. Instead, I promised that someday when I would be capable of buying the things I please, I’d buy them all.

And that is exactly what I am doing now since I have a job. And in addition to that, I will help you and mom and give all the things that you want. I promise, I will do that.

Thank you, Tatay for everything. For all the sacrifices you made and did till I graduated from College. Thank you for showing me the love I need from a father. Thank you for guiding me with your pieces of advice, unconditional love, and caring hands.

I am no longer a baby. I am a woman now. And when the time comes that I need to settle down with a man, I wish he is like you: a very dedicated, kind, loving father. I don’t know how to put into words the things that I want to tell you. All I can feel is that I am blessed and should be glad and proud because you are my father.

I would also want to tell you that I love you so much. That no matter what happens, I will always acknowledge you as the hero of my life. You gave me strength that only an extraordinary father can sculpt to her daughter. You inspired me on how to live a life to the fullest, you taught me good things for my own sake, and you imparted me a skill and knowledge which I can maneuver throughout the rest of my life. You coached me till I become a woman.

I love you Tatay wherever you are right now, whatever you are doing at this point. I will always salute you for all the things you did and have done for our family. You are the most handsome and coolest dad I have ever seen and met. And I promise that despite all odds, I will remain inside the Church of Christ and always be firm with my faith to God.

Happy birthday to you. I will always be the 1 year-old talkative daughter of yours. You will always be my greatest gift.

Your loving daughter.

kcc