Posted in life

First Time In 7 Months

(Late post)

Dear Princess,

Blocking you out of my life is the last thing I will do. I know that we are okay now but, let me write this letter for you. This will serve as a review of our history in the past seven months.

I have not seen you in 7 months. Have not even heard your voice and surely have missed a lot of things about you for ages. I have really missed you. It was like my world has been occupied by too much loneliness and guilt and I have felt so stupid for not doing anything to get things fixed as soon as possible. I have let things be swept by time and have left it for 7 months without us talking about it. It wasn’t feel right to just run away from it.

I know how cruel I seemed after I have told you those harsh words. I could have used softer terms but I chose not to. I was really mad at you. I was sent my irritations and anger toward you so even our friendship which we protected so much for four years was practically ruined. Because of me, I hadn’t seen you after our Seminar.

I have loathed you for so many reasons. Some may be unreasonable. Please understand where I was coming from. I did not consider that you’re a working student that you were not able to help us for the preparation of our Seminar. I never listened to you. I have been so self-centered and subjective. For this situation, I have failed to show my role as a friend. I know you were expecting me then to understand your situation and be the one to convince our classmates that you’re gonna help us during our Seminar. But instead of doing so, I have shown our classmates how irresponsible you were and that we could not trust you in our project. I have been a cruel friend. I have ignored that I was your partner and your best friend. And when the news that you’re not gonna march and join us in the graduation has occurred, I melted like I an ice being thrown away in the fire. All the things I did to you in the past appeared like a flashback in my memories. And part of me felt like I was responsible for that. I was sad, but otherwise I was fine. I tried to be fine.

Days, months have passed and I realized that I need you in my life.

There were times before that I felt the urge of surprising you in your office. There were times that whenever I get online on Facebook, the first thing I would do was stalk your profile as though waiting to see my name in your statuses. And when I fail, I would assume that maybe you were posting about us on Twitter, tweeting that you are missing me and that you are sad I am not with you. But you never tweeted anything about us. I was hurt.

Not long after did I realize that I needed to fix us. I started to PM you on Facebook. However you were just ignoring all of my messages. I have thought that maybe it’s impossible for us to be friends again. I have blamed myself. And believe me, I have cried a lot of times for what happened on us, for being so sarcastic and mean. However, I did not lose hope that one day we’re gonna be okay again. Desperate as I call myself, I did bother one of our friends to tell you that I have a message on you in Facebook and to respond to it if it’s okay with you.

Aghast, one day you responded and I was enlightened by the possibility of making friends with you again. I knew then that you will never forget the things I have told and said to you. I knew then that you will never forgive me. But part of me knows that you are not like that. You forgive people, based on what I have learned about you for a long time.

I was really happy that we communicated even a little in Facebook. You started to favorite my tweets, and followed me again in Instagram. It just felt like we’re standing for our friendship gently after a thunderstorm. I was happy and grateful. So you couldn’t blame me if I reached out to you and insisted to meet you up after our shifts at work last Wednesday (Nov. 21, 2015). I really was so excited to see you. And nervous at the same time.

I wonder how you are feeling right now, at this moment as you’re reading this. I hope you’re feeling great and relieved to know that I was eager to see you and that I was really sorry for what happened. Kambal (Twin), smile.

These are a few shots we have taken the first time we have seen each other again after 7 months:

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Princess Merielle Zamora Patacsil and me. 🙂
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Okay! 🙂
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Joms (from the left), Kambal, and me @Shakeys Starmall Mandaluyong. 🙂 Thanks for the treat, Kambal!
Thank you for spending three hours of your time on me and Joms last Wednesday. I really do appreciate your giving me a chance to see you, hug you, and talk to you in person. I just don’t know how to express how truly grateful I am right now that we’re okay again. I will never let any trouble come between us. Not ever again. Gahhd. That’s how I care about our friendship. And I am sorry for all the bad things I did to you seven months ago. I am hoping to see you once again with our other girlfriends. I love you.

Your twin forever,

Kristine.

Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.

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Posted in life

Journaling…

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I often experienced losing an idea just because I forgot and/or did not write it down.

I need a journal. And I think it is necessary for everyone to have one. It is necessary for me to remember a thing, an idea; and float with memories most especially when they all are still fresh. I need to write them down so I have something to look back to see how far I have gone; to see what lessons I have learned, to avoid committing the same mistakes.

I need to pay attention with all the things I do everyday because, I need to know who I am and what are the things I am capable of doing. So I guess I need a journal. I need a memory. Call me weird but even in a single piece of paper, I make an effort to write a keyword so to note what I have done in that particular day and where I was. I do this because it feels like I need to.

I need to see how blessed I am. I need to see the world. I need to live. I need to know and see the things anyone does not bother to discover. I need a journal. To see my worth for living.

So, I have decided that instead of creating another site for the things I have done in a day, and exclusive only for my adventures and tours, I will make use of this one to paste them all together with my life stories and experiences in here. So, officially starting today, this place won’t only be for my dramas in life, but also for the wonderful and exciting activities I encountered and will have to come across. Whether it is a nonsensical post or not, it will still be attached here.

In addition, I am expressing my gratitude to this blogspot for I have been able to be true with all my pieces here and writings. From the very beginning I happened to utilize this site, this blospot has seen my life within the deepest core of my words and stories here. Grateful that I have been able to have a place to record my feelings and emotions. I just love doing it: the idea of journaling, and of having an outlet of my thoughts and activities.

You’ve got an idea? Write it down. Let us all live.

kcc.

Posted in Thoughts

Kissing You Goodbye.

It doesn’t give me an achy feeling in my chest anymore whenever your name is mentioned by a friend. Unlike before, when someone’s trying to bring you up and the subject of our breakup, I’d go change the subject right away. Just because I was sick of explaining why and how we turned out like this and that we’re not gonna work out.

But today, I know I can tell anyone our story without a single pang of sadness nor hurt.

To be honest, I didn’t think I had missed you, you being with me all the time so much until I saw a blurry image of yours this morning when I woke up. But then, I had to remind myself that if you are not able to give the happiness I deserve in my life, then I guess you’re not the one. Our breakup is enough that things will never work out between us. We have had enough.

I am happy that I met you and that you came to my life. I think, if it wasn’t because of you, I wouldn’t have learned to stand in the middle of a storm; I wouldn’t have known to love and wouldn’t have felt the fire of being loved. Thank you for making me believe that love truly exists. Not because we broke up doesn’t mean that love is impossible to find and be found. I’ve found it in you. I’ve found it in your hugs and kisses. I loved you and I know within my heart that I still do love you. You still have a space in my heart. But things have changed now, for we are no longer that two birds who once have shared a nest. We’ve grown now. And we need to grow apart.

I am no longer feeling any bitterness, hatred, and guilt. I am happy that I have changed my outlook in life just because of you. So, thank you. I take it as a good sign that I have stepped and moved forward from the old feelings of loneliness and heartbreaks. There are so many reasons to let go of you. I have accepted it fully that I have to let go of you. I need to let you go. I need to fly high with my own wings. I need to be happy.

I admit, the farawayness of old feelings, even when I try with all I might, is sometimes hard to ignore. This is now a battle between me alone and the memories of our past. A lump forms in my throat whenever I think of the possibility of us being together again because I know that I can’t do it anymore. Not with you.

I wish you visit this site and read all my blogs. All the things I haven’t been able to tell you in person are written here. Aside from the world where I can speak with sounds, this is my other world. So I hope you could read my life here so you’d be able to understand me more.

Thank you for everything you’ve done to me and with me. I will always treasure and cherish the good things even the bad ones we had and shared with one another. It’s been a long time since I held your hands. I’ve had enough in holding on to you and clinging upon your promises. I deserve more so I am letting go of you. I need this. I need to be strong enough to face the reality that you’re not going to be the man of my dreams. Not until fate does the action. You deserve to be happy and so do I. So now, I am kissing every tiny part of our past a good bye.

kcc.

Posted in life

Stroll Around With Friends

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From the left: Belle, Me and Eunice.

I was supposed to meet up with my friends, Shams and Aly and go to Banchetto last Saturday. However, it was raining unbelievably hard so we decided to reschedule our errands for that day. I was quite upset, tho for I was expecting that whether it would rain or not, we’d proceed. But anyway, let’s move on. I am still looking forward to seeing these two of my beautiful friends.

Good thing it was Belle’s (one of my closest friends) mom’s birthday celebration on the same day I was supposed to catch up with Shams and Aly. So instead of fulfilling my plans for that day alone: go to Banchetto and eat Shawarma all by myself, I traveled to Belle’s house. At least I had reasons to see Belle and our other closefriends. How sweet of me.

It was really a long day with my friends Belle, Adriane, and Eunice last Saturday. Even if we were the only ones who made it to come over, it was still a fun day. After we ate at Belle’s house, we went to Matalino St. and we spent the whole night at Starbucks there. We talked about the things that we missed. We talked about each other’s current situation, the things that quite bothering us at present, and of course our plans for our future career.

I was really excited to hear more from them, about their heartaches if there’s any and about their success so far. I was thrilled by how they changed when it comes to their positive outlook in life. I am proud. I am really proud of how my friends are dealing with the things that come along their ways unexpectedly and never get defeated.

The last time I’ve seen my friends was in July, when we marked A’s 21st birthday so, seeing them after a quite long time was such a happiness.

At midnight, we wandered Maginhawa Street by walking. Despite the weather, we were not wavered. That’s what friends are for. I was so happy and feeling at peace.

I can’t really say much so, here are some of the pictures:
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By the time we were at Starbucks in Matalino St., we were only three. (Belle, Me, and A.)
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My friend Adriane. Oops sorry for this shot. HAHAHA.
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With my favorite friend, Belle. ♄
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Stolen shot. Thanks to A! ♄
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My selfie with a pile of books behind me.
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Souvenir from Bookayukay. ♄

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”

– Helen Keller

kcc