Blocking you out of my life is the last thing I will do. I know that we are okay now but, let me write this letter for you. This will serve as a review of our history in the past seven months.
I have not seen you in 7 months. Have not even heard your voice and surely have missed a lot of things about you for ages. I have really missed you. It was like my world has been occupied by too much loneliness and guilt and I have felt so stupid for not doing anything to get things fixed as soon as possible. I have let things be swept by time and have left it for 7 months without us talking about it. It wasn’t feel right to just run away from it.
I know how cruel I seemed after I have told you those harsh words. I could have used softer terms but I chose not to. I was really mad at you. I was sent my irritations and anger toward you so even our friendship which we protected so much for four years was practically ruined. Because of me, I hadn’t seen you after our Seminar.
I have loathed you for so many reasons. Some may be unreasonable. Please understand where I was coming from. I did not consider that you’re a working student that you were not able to help us for the preparation of our Seminar. I never listened to you. I have been so self-centered and subjective. For this situation, I have failed to show my role as a friend. I know you were expecting me then to understand your situation and be the one to convince our classmates that you’re gonna help us during our Seminar. But instead of doing so, I have shown our classmates how irresponsible you were and that we could not trust you in our project. I have been a cruel friend. I have ignored that I was your partner and your best friend. And when the news that you’re not gonna march and join us in the graduation has occurred, I melted like I an ice being thrown away in the fire. All the things I did to you in the past appeared like a flashback in my memories. And part of me felt like I was responsible for that. I was sad, but otherwise I was fine. I tried to be fine.
Days, months have passed and I realized that I need you in my life.
Not long after did I realize that I needed to fix us. I started to PM you on Facebook. However you were just ignoring all of my messages. I have thought that maybe it’s impossible for us to be friends again. I have blamed myself. And believe me, I have cried a lot of times for what happened on us, for being so sarcastic and mean. However, I did not lose hope that one day we’re gonna be okay again. Desperate as I call myself, I did bother one of our friends to tell you that I have a message on you in Facebook and to respond to it if it’s okay with you.
Aghast, one day you responded and I was enlightened by the possibility of making friends with you again. I knew then that you will never forget the things I have told and said to you. I knew then that you will never forgive me. But part of me knows that you are not like that. You forgive people, based on what I have learned about you for a long time.
I was really happy that we communicated even a little in Facebook. You started to favorite my tweets, and followed me again in Instagram. It just felt like we’re standing for our friendship gently after a thunderstorm. I was happy and grateful. So you couldn’t blame me if I reached out to you and insisted to meet you up after our shifts at work last Wednesday (Nov. 21, 2015). I really was so excited to see you. And nervous at the same time.
I wonder how you are feeling right now, at this moment as you’re reading this. I hope you’re feeling great and relieved to know that I was eager to see you and that I was really sorry for what happened. Kambal (Twin), smile.
These are a few shots we have taken the first time we have seen each other again after 7 months:
Your twin forever,
Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.