Posted in life, Uncategorized

Ending 2015 With A Good Note.

Despite what happened this afternoon with me and my father, I still wanna make the 365th day of 2015 special. Yep, we had misunderstandings but I don’t wanna make it the reason of my unhappiness. It is another story from what I am about to share. So please don’t be bothered. HA HA.

At the moment, I am at the office and currently waiting for emails from clients that need to be addressed. I am working and won’t be able to welcome 2016 with my family. It’s sad tho yet I need to withstand the air of melancholy that I am feeling right now. I miss them to be honest. I just hope they’re enjoying the food and the fireworks display!

So… I’ll be updating once again a post about my thoughts, my feelings. This will be my last post this year! Hooray! Enjoy reading!

I’ve had a lot of troubles in 2015. Nevertheless, more than the percentage of my troubles are the good things I’ve experienced. I am beyond grateful. This year, I graduated in College, got my very first job after graduation, met new friends, and able to hike two mountains. In 364 days that have passed, I can’t recall how many times I’ve cried for so many reasons. I can’t even recall the times I’ve felt ignored and rejected. To make it precise, I’ve had so many dramas that I don’t know how to put into words and say out loud in a way people will understand. There are things that we want to share yet don’t know where to start right? Yes, I am grateful for this life.

In addition, it’s just heartbreaking the fact that my first love and I got separated this year. I have all said it in my previous posts and good thing is that I have recovered from the pain. I believe I have for it does not ache anymore. Yeeeah. So this adds to the list of my sorrow this 2015. Just a quick note, we are in good terms now. 🙂

The reason why I am writing this is that I don’t have someone to talk to right now. I don’t trust anyone here to listen to my anguish. I just wanna say that I am craving for more and that I am not confident enough to say to the whole world that I am an achiever. What I gained this year isn’t enough. I don’t have something to be proud of and am incompetent. It is indeed unproductive. It does not feel an achievement at all. I want more, that’s the truth. But other than this, I am alive, kicking, and breathing so I guess I still should be happy about it even though it feels like I am lacking for something.

This new year, I want to achieve the things I never have been able to attain in the past year. Number 1 is to travel. Number 2 is to pursue a career in the field I’d studied for 4 years. For the previous, I think I deserve to see the world. I think I was born to see it and understand the very core of my existence. I want also to inspire other people’s lives, by this I will be able to change their lives. I want to be a help in spreading love and good morals to whoever I will be surrounded with. I wanna do all these things in a year and to follow. Hopefully, this will be accomplished.

I want a challenge, a challenge that definitely will make someone like me a true achiever. This year will end without me having attained my course I finished in College. I am taking this fact against what I can do. It feels like I’ve wasted half of this year for nothing. I am a customer rep and my job is to deliver good services which is I am not really good at. Six months, I have been confined in this environment yet I am not sure if I’ve been mended into a well and better person. See? How sad that I could say these things to myself. But I don’t wanna settle for this forever that’s why I have set my goals for this coming year and I am determined to achieve them all. And that is why I am letting you know that I am not giving up.

I am not actually expecting that 2016 is my year. But I am sure of doing all my best to make it my year. This new year, I want a change. This may sound cliche but I am really seeing myself complying with it this year. It’s not yet the end of the world, right? Anyone can make a change and do for this world. So everybody, let’s all work on this forever! Let’s soar high for good!

I want to end this note by greeting everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR! So, these all are my thoughts… my final thoughts this year. Again, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

tine

Advertisements
Posted in life, Uncategorized

December 2nd: You Can’t Please Everybody.

Relieved.

For this past few months, I’ve felt rejected, ignored. I have considered myself persona non grata. I don’t know. Sometimes, we tend to feel this way whenever we feel ignored by the people around us when in fact, we have no assurance that that is what it is. We assume. We assume we know exactly the reason in every action, in every thing we see in motion.

I started to ask myself, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I fit to their group? Am I incompetent? I am not really used to being inadequate. As if it’s no big deal if I was not able to contribute a thing for the best of our team. It sounds unproductive. I started to doubt myself, this is not me. I can do better than what I am supposed to do. This isn’t my world. I need to get rid of these people. But no. I won’t quit until it is necessary. And it will not only depend on whatever circumstances.

People. Just like algebra, they have many formulas. Just like grammar, they have so many rules. Whatever terms we use to describe them, in a nutshell, they are who they are. They are what we see them by our own eyes.

You can be friends with everybody, sure. But you can’t please them all. Because everyone is different. Everyone has their own preferences. No matter what you do or how nice you are, you just can’t please them.

They’re nice in an instant then you will smile. They’re harsh all of a sudden and apparently, you wish you should have not smiled.

This is what I learned in months of staying here in this company: you can’t please everybody. It is hard to tell how I have come up to thinking that these people around me hate me. I just can’t really find my words. It feels like I am lost. But what I guess is important is that this is what I feel. It hurts, yeah. I just hope I was wrong with my feelings. I just hope I was unaware of what’s really going on.

And I wish I knew the answer.

Hey! Happiness. We should always be after that.

Have you ever felt what I am feeling right now? It feels I’ve been deceived by my decisions. But I always remind myself that I am here to work, to grow as a person even without anyone seeing my hard works. Well, I am not supposed to prove myself to anyone. Right?

I feel so happy that I was able to vent my feelings to a friend. She’s a friend. Not just an acquaintance I met in one journey but a friend. At least, I’ve got someone I can trust here in my present world. From this moment on, I will always look beyond my imperfections. Because happiness is all I want.

tine