Alright. I feel like writing this blog as of this moment. It has actually been 45 days now since I turned 22 and still, nothing feels different. But everything feels special. I am blessed that I am still breathing and given another year to be able to see the world, to start to wander the planet, and to explore around the beauties we’ve got!
2015 has been a tough year for me. I have experienced a lot of trials that almost made me gave up on life!
The world is a combination of ups and downs. I know everyone has experienced different trials. Some might have survived. Others might have still been conquered by difficulties and still struggling to get up. But one must remember, we are bound to encounter tryouts. It is to attest our faith and our perseverance to get rid of such tests.
This year, I want to experience more fun and adventure. I want it to be different from the previous years. In terms of love, this time, I don’t want to settle for less. I don’t want to experience heartbreaks. I will make sure that I am fully prepared for my next relationship. And I will make it sure that it is sustained by God.
This will be awkward, I know. But please let me write a greeting message for my self. If I’m gonna talk to myself, this is what I am gonna say:
You have wrapped up a new beginning of your life and I believe that what you want to happen is to make this year an excellent one. In this age, who does not want to attain happiness and pursue what’s within his heart? I’ve known you from the very beginning and every beating of your heart, I know what it means. You have created a wonderful world within yourself reason for other people to admire you. You can influence other’s lives! By that, you can change people’s lives in your own beautiful way. You are a seeker. You are a believer. And you are a wonderful person. Remember that.
I know from the start what you want to achieve in life. And I strongly believe that you will be able to attain some, if not all, of your beautiful dreams this year.
This is your year to travel. You are 22 year old now and there’s a lot of things you want to do at this age. You were created by God with full of hopes, dreams, and love. You deserve to see the world!
You’ve had lots of troubles in the previous year, I am aware of that. You’ve experienced your very first heartbreak! But you were tough enough to be dragged down by such situation. You have learned your lessons now, and I am confident that you are not going to let a man break your heart for the second time. You deserve to be loved so please wait for the right man. Never settle for less.
Perfectly and wonderfully, you have been created by God. Happy 22nd!
Thank you for being strong to survive another year. Thank you for all the lessons you’ve learned that have cultivated you into another person as you are right now. Thank you for not giving up on this cruel life. And thank you for appreciating the things you have right now.
I am blessed that I have gone through a year of storms and difficulties. Happy birthday to me!
Sa pagtakbo ng matulin, sa pagtakas mula sa mapait na kahapon, tila dinala ko ang lahat ng kahapisan. Muli mo akong hahanapin ngunit hindi matatagpuan. Ipinapangako ko na luluha ka sa pagkawala ko- isang taong umibig sa’yo ng lubusan. Tatakbo ka ng matulin mahabol lang ako. At kahit saan mo ibaling ang iyong tingin, hindi mo ako makikita. Hindi ka magwawaging mahagkan ako muli. Nakagapos ako sa kawalan at naghihintay ng pagkalagot ng hininga dulot ng sakit na ipinadanas mo sa akin sa nagdaang taon. Nang ako’y iyong iniwan, hindi ko kinaya. Kumapit ako ng lubusan na halos makalimutan ko ang halaga ng aking pagkatao. Nagdanas ako ng hirap sa pagkumbinsing mahalin mo ako muli. Ako’y tila isang ibong bumagsak mula sa paglipad nang matamaan ng mga bala- ang iyong mga masasakit na salita na halos tumulak sa aking wasakin ang aking buhay. Sinabi mong hindi mo na ako mahal. At may bagong nagmamay-ari ng iyong puso. Ngunit muli akong lumipad. Pinilit ko. Para sa’yo. Para sa ating dalawa. Halos lumuha ako ng dugo sa pagmamakaawa sa’yo na ako’y muli mong balikan at ‘wag iwan. Ngunit hindi mo ginawa. Hindi ka bumalik at ako’y umasa at naghintay ng matagal. Lumapit ako subalit ako’y tinulak mo palayo. Nang ako’y tumakbo, hindi mo ako hinabol. Tumakbo ako na sobrang bigat ng dala sa aking dibdib. Nang ako’y hindi mo na natanaw, iyo mo akong hinanap at hinabol na parang asong sabik na sabik mahagkan ng kanyang amo. At ngayong ako’y nakagapos sa kawalan at naghihintay ng pagkalagot ng hininga, hindi na ako umaasang tayo ay magkakabalikan pa. Sapagkat ako na ang sumuko. Hindi na ako lilingon pang muli sa’yo hanggang sa tuluyan akong maglaho na parang bula at pagsisihan ang lahat ng iyong ginawa. Danasin mo ang hirap ng pagkawala ng taong umiibig sa’yo. Hanapin mo ako kahit saan hanggang sa ika’y mabaliw ng lubusan. Mamahalin mo ako subalit wala kang mapapala. Pagsisihan mo ang pag-iwan sa akin. Hinding-hindi mo ako makikita.
I’ve been feeling tired of doing the things I used to do, specifically write something and read more, since I became attracted in my new found interest- hiking. It doesn’t give me the feeling of excitement anymore. It is frustrating but I don’t want them to completely become just an option when I have nothing to do. It sounds not good actually but today? It’s different. Today, I have the initiative to write something because, I just realized that I’ve missed it so much and that it feels like I am being called again to do it and I feel like I am obliged to open a book and read for the whole day. If only books could talk, I would have been scolded by them right now. And if words could just slap me, I would have cried already.
I haven’t yet posted anything here since the beginning of the year. I even have not yet finished reading a book. But since it is the second month of the year and it isn’t yet too late (it’s never late for anything), I would be glad to spend some time any time this month on reading and writing: my original happiness, as what I have promised to seek as my ultimate goal for this year.
Of course, I don’t wanna lose the friendship I’ve built for too long with reading and writing that’s why I am going to begin it today. I’ll start again. I will write my travel experiences so that I have something to read on. I will share my thoughts, and emotions.
May I regain my enthusiasm with these fascinations.