I hope I could find my way again as I feel lost. I don’t know who I am anymore, and what I want to do, and where I want to go. I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about forgiving myself for being who I am today, trying to find out the things that could totally make me happy, and searching the meaning of happiness in every single thing or person I meet along my way. I do the things I am not supposed to do. I don’t any longer know how to filter the words I am about to say. I don’t have control to myself anymore. I am drained with the fact that I am confused about something I cannot figure out what is. I have been thinking about it my whole life.
My life is an example of an insignificant existence.
Nothing’s left to me stable. And the rest of my senses have found their way out that caused me a lot of trouble. I am no longer able to distinguish what is right and what is wrong. I also have forgotten the importance of seeing the truth in one’s eyes, even how to do it. It feels like the light that used to enlighten my way and being has dimmed out. It seems to me that I don’t get the meaning of every lecture I am receiving, despite that I can hear every word. I find it hard to inhale all the good around me for I am not sure if there is any. And whenever I try to breathe out the air I carry within me, I always hope it includes all the toxic in this life.
I do not know what is going on.
Good thing I still know my name, but who really I am? I have no idea anymore.
I want to break free and not tell anybody where I am up to.
I want to head to places where no one knows my name.
I want to run from my usual zone and get rid of people.
I want also my shadow to get unnoticed and become invisible.
I want to be away from my present home, this isn't where I belong.
I want to run under the sun till it leaves a mark of a sunburn to my skin.
I want to spend a day or two alone on the top of a mountain.
I want to read a book there or make a poem.
I want to write down all the things that are cooking up in my head at that present time.
I want to feel the wind, its gentle breeze.
I want to play with every drop of the rain.
I want to see the beauty beyond a rainbow.
I want to count the number of days I have been gone while feeling all the senses being far.
I want the tweets of the birds be my alarm every morning.
I want to lay my back at the grass and stare above.
I want to make a wish after the twinkling of the stars.
I want to hear the sounds of the playful waves.
I want to taste the salty water in the ocean.
I want to leave my footprints along the sands in the beach.
I want to explore every corner of the world and bond with the foreign people I will meet in the way.
I want them to know my stories without letting them discovered how I am being called.
I want to take pictures of every beautiful piece around me.
I want to make an album of my travel alone and have it seen by many when I'm gone.
I want to inspire the lives of other people by my journey.
I want them to see the world the way I see it.
I want them to discover the mysteries behind every creation.
These are the things inside of me.
These are the forces that almost carry me walk away from reality.
I will chase the sun.
I am choosing to run.
I want to get totally lost.