Posted in words

An Open Letter To Myself

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You were telling me yesterday how things had been for the past couple of weeks. I was listening in every word you say, and on how you relate to me everything that happened. From your words and from the way you say them, it was clearly expressed that you were not happy, that you were completely broken.
 
I saw you this morning breaking down when I was awaken by your mourns. And I could even imagine how painful your situation is. It’s totally bad. It hurts me, actually. I could not stand seeing you by that situation so, I consoled you with all my might. And fortunately, I was able to convince you to stop crying.
 
And at this very moment, as I look at my reflection at the mirror, I can see that you are guilty of one thing. And that is of letting him in and broke your heart once again. I can also see the pain in your swollen eyes brought by too much crying and suffering. And you know what? It breaks me into pieces.
 
You do not deserve this kind of life. You are wonderful enough to experience this kind of agony. You deserve to be happy. My dear self, you have to let it go now and move on. 
 
You deserve someone better. You don’t deserve the man who will throw you profanities, who will joke you as if you’re nothing, who will humiliate you in front of his parents, who does not go with your travels, who does not want to be introduced to your new friends, who does not see a future with you, who calls you bad names, who controls you in your activities, who walks away and leaves you because he’s mad, who asks space from you for a lifetime, and who is not proud of having you as his girlfriend.
 
You do not deserve that kind of man. You do not deserve him.
 
I’ve been always telling you that you deserve someone who will look after you every second, every minute of your life because you are amazing. You deserve the man who won’t let you travel alone as he is afraid that something bad might happen to you. You deserve someone who wants to see the beauty of this world with you, someone who observes your every step along the trail as you trek through the jungle and reach the summit of a mountain. You deserve the man who will go with you to the Church and hold your hands and together you will pray. You deserve the man who is proud of you; who will proudly introduce you to his friends, relatives, and family.
 
You deserve respect and more than anything else, you deserve the man you will bring joy, happiness, and peace in you everyday; the man who will buy you books, read your essays, and support you in everything you desire.
 
Stop crying, my dear self. You are not worthy of the pain you’re feeling. I know that because I’ve seen how much you cared for this man, and how much effort you exerted for the sake of your relationship; you fought very hard for this man, you loved him more than anything else. But shit happens, things sometimes turn in a wrong direction, people sometimes do not see our worth.
 
You are not lost. You have never been, remember that. No one can blame you for falling in love for the second time with your first love. If loving him was right then, you just did the right thing; you did your part. But things have changed now. You’ve had enough. You learned your lesson so please stop hurting yourself by falling in love with him again. Do not let him in anymore.
 
And I am really sorry for you being broken today. Today, feel the pain. It is just the beginning of this stupid game. You are strong and I believe you will be able to get over with the torture, bitterness, and hatred in your heart. Eventually, you will be happy that it will bring light to the lives of other people. Because you are such an inspiration.
 
Let the pain make you stronger. Let the pain make you move on. Let the pain make you forgive him, the man who broke your heart. Let the pain change you to a brand new person. Let the pain teach you to not look back.
 
And let the pain make you smile genuinely forever.
kcc.
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Author:

Hi! This is Kristine and you just stepped in to my room. Everything's written here is based on my thoughts, experiences, and emotions. I love reading novels, writing essays, and making friends with everybody. 10 Things You Should Know About Kristine 1.She is fascinated by words. At 6, she was already seen for being in love with writing and scribbling books. The first english word she has read all by herself was "write". For her, this is the reason she loves to write and to read. 2. She has climbed 30 mountains already. She started this activity in 2015 until 2017 when she promised to only get back when she has already fulfilled her priorities. As of this time, she's still working hard to be able to go back as soon as possible. 3. She had been in a relationship once. It lasted for 3 years and half of it she firmly believes to be a one-sided love. She gave up on this man in 2017 when she realized that she has been treated like a trash and no woman deserves to be mistreated like this. So she moved forward. 4. She is an old soul in this millennial world. Yes, she is into classics. She loves the things that her friends barely stand like listening to classic love songs. Fan-girling is definitely not her thing. 5. She has received a cake only twice in her entire life. For two consecutive years from her 23rd birthday, she has been given a cake twice. Hopefully this year when she will be celebrating her 25th birthday in December, she would receive one or two. 6. She doesn't have her first dance yet. You might be wondering but she never gone to prom during high school. And the idea of first dance? This is one of the precious gifts she is willing to give to her man on her wedding day. Lovely, isn't it? 7. She loves to talk about life itself. Boring? Nah. She is more into life, the value of it, and the stories of people around her about life. She tends to ask you questions about your life (not to pry or something) when she feels like asking. Bear with her interviewing skills. 8. She aims to travel the Philippines before 30. Before turning 30, she aims to have traveled the 81 provinces of the Philippines and make a vlog out of it. She would love to do it alone. Such a goal! 9. She is reserved. For her, it is when you stop looking for love when love comes for you. You have to do all your might just to see who really she is deep down. 10. She adores museums and parks and bookstores and coffee shops. 10. She is an old soul, remember? This' gonna be the permanent place for my thoughts (hopefully for I am aware that I've created more than 3 blog spots now) wherein I'll be posting my life-experienced dramas and stories. I'll get in touch everyday. I will try. :)

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