On Feeling Like A Failure

​I failed the CS exam and I am not embarrassed about it.

Only yesterday, when I visited Civil Service Commission facebook page did I learn that the result has been released. At first, I was kinda hesitant to browse through the website in concern that I might not find my name among the list of passers. My emotions during my attempts to go to the link – tense through anxiety and nervousness – brought me back to my UP admission memories when at the end I found out that I did not make it.

I can still recall the time when I took the UPCAT 7 years ago. After the exam, I was already excited to know the result right away. I remember the agony I had prolonged and the uneasiness I had felt by waiting for something I was unsure of. What if I did not pass? What if I upset my parents and those who expect a lot from me? These were the thoughts I had wished to cease from arriving. I was clueless. But still I waited until the truth had spoken.

Then, I failed.

In this phase of my life when frustrations almost dragged me down, I tried to overcome the negative feelings within me. I tried harder to uplift my spirit by thinking positively that exasperation is temporary, and to instill in myself that giving up is only for the weak and that I am not weak. Many times have I encountered failures but never in my life did I allow myself to stay in that stage. I move on and continue to chase places I would call home later. Places where I am supposed to be.

Failures tend to make us weak but I am stronger when I am weak.

Thus, for those friends who failed (life me) in the CS exam, remember it does not necessarily mean that we are incapable of attaining our goals. This may sound cliche but we can not really deny the fact that in everything, there is always a reason. Perhaps we failed on our first attempt. I understand if you feel bad right now. I feel bad too. But look, does it do any good? The answer would always be a No. The best thing we can do is to retake. Certainly, no one’s stopping us from doing the right thing. Regardless of how many times we reapply, don’t give up not even until we make it.

I always believe that after your downfalls, good things will follow. Only if you trust yourself and do whatever it takes to stand up.

I am not posting this to get sympathy from those passers or from those who have the same story as mine. I wanted to write this to share the positive vibes and thoughts I am feeling with those who did not make it. And please stop saying that you are not smart and you do not deserve success just because you failed.

Make a motivation out of it instead. Remember, only smart people know that failure plays an integral role in the pursuit of success. If you know this, therefore, you are smart.

Sending you smiles!